Improvement.

I kind of have this habit of worrying a lot.

like- to the point of ridiculousness.

Its almost like I've convinced myself that if I waste my time worrying about something long enough, it's less likely to happen- or that if I think about a problem to the point of almost making myself sick- then it'll somehow vanish and get better.

I think I'm living a delusion...

And its not like this is a new thing- Even when I was really little, people told me I worried too much. For example: at the age of 5, I went to my mother with a very serious question.

"Mommy? Does having babies hurt?"

Apparently, not only do I worry excessively, but also a lot in advance...

By now, you are probably thinking I'm some sort of mental case, and that I ought to get help or counseling or something-But for the record- I have gotten better!!

Promise.

Because about a year ago- i had an epiphany. thanks to a good friend and a comic strip.

It was lunch time- I was eating a peanut butter sandwich in Luke's car, and worrying. and he knew I was worrying- He has this theory, that I always scratch my knee when I'm stressed; Which is only right part of the time. most of the time. He pointed this out- and at first I denied it, but then he started laughing, and then I got all defensive-which kind of made it all come out..

"What if I never see you again after high school?! Will we be able to stay friends? What If I can't make new friends, and Logan never talks to me,and my roommate hates me? What if I can't even get into college? What if I fail the studio art Test? If I fail then I can't go into art-and that's all that I'm good for, and now I'll have to go live in a card board box! GOSH, even if I do get into a school- how on earth am I going to pay for it?? My whole life is doomed!"

at this point, I was out of breath, close to tears, and had practically scratched a hole in my pant leg.

Luke chuckled.

"Have you ever read Pickles?"

"huh?"

"The comic strip- It made me think of you."

Thanks Luke. Thanks.

On the bright side though- It kind of helped me realize how silly it is to worry all the time. I need to give myself a break.