Mostly, Life is good.

So. I pretty much love summer and all. 

(not that that's unusual or anything.)

See, in the summer, things like this happen:

 It had been all to long since we'd grouped up, which was a problem. So, with some "Woman in Black" inspiration from Abbie, I got a campfire/movie thing figured out, where we could catch up, un-miss each other, and eat hotdogs.  
Over all, I've realized that some things have changed a ton. We've all grown up a bit; we've tried new things, stretched and tried to re-patch relationships, we've started carving out our separate paths.  
We're on our way to becoming completely different people.

In most cases, that would make me nervous, but I've realized something else.

If something doesn't need to change, it won't.

Somehow, in spite of all of the "littler" changes we've gone through, The "Big" part of us hasn't changed a bit. The "sitting around a campfire, enjoying the company" part of us.

So, I figure it's all good. I'm hopeful. :)

Anywho, Like I said, I love summer. plus a lot of other things.

I love being with friendlies,

and having talks with my Mum,

and finally getting a job,

and eating nutella,

and discovering new stores, Like Cotton On.

Mostly, Life is good.

Oh, Hullo again.

Yes. 

I apologize, It's been a while.

In my defense though, It's been a rather crazy few weeks.

School ended, then there were finals, then there was the fiasco of moving back home where my room was non-existent... (Surprise! you don't have a bed!) Then there was the moving to the basement adventure so that I could  have a bedroom... All the while I've been applying for jobs, family bonding, finishing long over due art projects, staying in shape, and trying to stay up to date on my social life!
Tada!! 
But, I'll have you know I've been enjoying myself the whole time. Because Summer is great.

On a new note- Guess what I did this week?

I got to go on a field trip! It was like being in first grade all over again, except in this case I got to be the tall one in the class. 

The plan was, that I would play "mommy" for a day and chaperone on Ashlee's field trip to the trout farm and the planetarium. I'd carpool with a friend from my ward who's son was in another class, and it would be great! Unfortunately, my life doesn't run as smoothly as would be ideal, and the classes surprised me by splitting up... meaning that I ended up at the planetarium. With the wrong class. oh dear.

while desperately trying to call Mrs. Teacher-Lady to tell her where I was, - (unaware that her phone was dead) I couldn't hep but in-vision all the possible chaos I might have caused... 

• My un-chaperoned children running like barbarians through-out the trout farm- falling into the water, killing fish with their bare hands... setting nearby trees on fire....
• Finally re-uniting with the correct class, and getting yelled at by Mrs. Teacher-lady and the other parents, about things like "responsibility, stupidity and disappointment"..
• Ashlee declaring that she will never talk to me ever again because I'm the worst big sister in the whole world for messing up her field trip....

(the last option scared me the most.)

I took a deep breath. 'Umkay... I am here... and they will eventually be here... sooo, all's good.' I sat on a bench, ate my lunch, (A pb&j, that my mother had lovingly packed for me on my first day back in elementary school.) and waited.

And you know what? It all ended up just fine. It wasn't long before the right class arrived. The other parents, (being much more experienced in the whole field trip thing) had taken good care of my children, And instead of angry parent/teacher lectures, I got a whole lot of, "Oh you poor thing! did you get lost?" and "Don't even worry about it, We're just glad you're here!"

Plus, And aside from being teased by a handful of first-graders, it was fine. Meaning Ashlee and I are still buds.

"I am so sorry Ashloo! I got lost!"

"Its ok. You just didn't get to catch a fish."

She was then kind enough to tell all of her little friends about how silly her sister is for getting lost. and they laughed at me. But Hey, could be worse, right?

Staples.

Tonight was exciting.

Like "Oh crap, Bruce is gushing blood out of his head!" exciting.

It all started out just fine... we were watching Madagascar 2 and playing Quelf. (Two of my most favorite things ever.)

Kameron was waving a plunger in people faces, Bruce was quacking, Heather had just finished being a ventriloquist dummy, and Logan had some how gotten away with not having to do anything weird whatsoever... (suspicious much?)

Anyway, then it was my turn.

"Start the timer, then tell another player to read the card aloud. Run and hide. Once the time is up, they have to come find you."

So I ran. and I hid. and then my phone rang.

"Um, Heyyy so you should come out now."

"Why? you're giving up?"

 "No, Bruce is injured.... so you should come to the second floor. because that's where we are...."

At this point, I was under the impression that Logan was just being tricky. 

"Uh, huh, suuure."

"No- Really!"

*Bling!* (that was the sound of a light bulb going on in my head at the realization hthat Logan was using his "I'm serious" voice.)
 I ran.


Anywho- Logan wasn't lying. There was Bruce, on all fours. with a bloody head.

"Oh, who would leave a perfectly good head lying around?"

- King Julian - Madagascar 2

Yeahh, It was kindof gross-ish, and I felt kind of sick-ish. So we got Bruce to the ER kindof fast-ish. After a struggle of "What's your home phone number? What's your address? What are your parents names?" and such, we had to wait about ten minutes before the nurse came to fetch him. 

"Bruce Taylor?"

He grinned. (yep. He's kindof a wierdo.) "That's me!"

"Lets get you up stairs, shall we?"

The four of us trailed after them like ducklings. That is, until the Nurse said "Only two" and Logan and I got locked outside. 

"Excuse me, this is first class, its nothing personal, it's just that we're better than you"

- King Julian. again.

When Bruce was getting cat-scanned and stapled shut, Logan and I memorized the dentist section of the phone book and laughed at Readers Digest. Not exactly the ideal way to spend a Saturday night- But no worries, Bruce is 100% ok. Or atleast, he's in the process... He gets his staples out in a few weeks, and Kameron just has to make sure he doesn't sleep too soundly tonight.

How, exactly, did this happen, you ask? In short- I guess Bruce was just getting fancy with his methods of getting down the stairs. (or he got hit in the head with a beer bottle while saving someone's life. For the full story- you'd have to ask him.) All in all, it just makes me glad we're all ok.. and not dead.

"If I, King Julian (that's my name), only had two days left to live, I would do all the things I have ever dreamed of doing. I would love to become a professional whistler. I'm pretty amazing at it now, but I wanna get, like, even better."

Little blessings.

"Oh, that's totally buttered popcorn."

"What? no! How on earth did you get that?"

"Hey! I'm still tasting the other jelly beans, ok? um... roasted marshmallow?"

"Hehe, no."

"coconut??"

"Wow, you are failing at this."

"Vanilla?"

"Yes, good job!"

Logan rolled his eyes.

My next jelly bean? Licorice. Thanks pal.

All in all,

I've decided I really enjoy rainy Wednesday nights. Especially the kind that involve bike rides home from work, and finishing off the last of your jelly beans with a good friend. :)

Those are a few of my most favorite little blessings.
 

I haven't been doing so well at counting my little blessings lately- and Last night I realized it. The rain had stopped just in time for my bike ride home, and the wet asphalt sparkled under the streetlamps. 

"Oh hey," I thought, "It's kindof really beautiful out here." 

and I suddenly got that wonderful feeling of "Shawna, I know it hasn't been an easy ride lately- but you're still loved, ok?"

I even took my headphones out for the rest of the ride home, Just so Heavenly Father could know I was listening.


more little blessings:

• Laughing with Kyrie. - I say She has a signature laugh, and she says I have one for every occasion.
• Walking in the rain with Abbie and drinking Hot Coco that burns my mouth.
• Drawing with the windows open.
• Flannel sheets

Feathered Friends

A seagull pooped on me today.

Which is cool I guess. Just what I wanted, really.

 

So then I cried out in anger and despair. And a girl on a nearby bench gave me a tissue.

I am very grateful for kind people.

Jelly Beans

Isn't it so absolutely funny- that you can feel both stronger and weaker at the same time?
happier and sadder?

or maybe I'm just crazy?

Crazy makes more sense then the other stuff...

"Have you listened to me lately?? Lately, I've been going crazy.."
- fun.

I bought myself I giant bag of Jelly Beans on Saturday.

42 different flavors.

 Now when I get lonely, I play guessing games with myself. (cherry? roasted Marshmallow? coffee? hmmmm...) It's almost as good as sleeping, or watching movies, or staying up until 2 am painting.

See, I'm getting along just fine...

Oreos.

Sometimes Oreo smashing is completely necessary. 

 

 

Its one of those things that works when "deep breathing" doesn't suffice.

It's like....  giving a gorilla a piggy back all day long, and then being able to finally set him down...

"Ahhh, you stupid gorilla! Get lost!"

*Sigh of Relief inserted here.*

Also- I've discovered that the feeling of "I handle this!" goes best with milk.

 

And that is how it's done.

This week has felt like a year.

Sleep?

What is this "Sleep" you speak of?

I certainly don't know.

But hey, What happens happens.

and in this case, it NEEDED to happen.

so yes, I am awfully emotional, going slightly crazy, (more crazy, I should say.), and feeling little bit paranoid.

But It's all good.

I'm going to Stomp Oreos with My Kyrie.

and then we will watch gory movies.

and then I will introduce Logan to the true meaning of music.

I can keep busy.


And I'm excited for this weekend.

Fine enough.

Sometimes- Heavenly Father lets people fall down.

But I'm pretty sure he always makes sure there's a cushion of some sort waiting at the bottom.

He's nice like that.

For instance- My week just kinda fell, plummeted and exploded into a million little tiny pieces. For Multiple reasons. (cough cough I don't want anyone blaming themselves here.)

But I guess it had good timing.

I don't have to work the rest of the week. 

which is really good... Working at a call center can be very close to working in (hell) And I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle having someone hang up on me right now. Even if they are a complete stranger. 

"Hi, My name is Shawna Richardson, and I'm calling on behalf of Nationwide insurance to conduct a brief survey-"

 "NOT INTERESTED!" *Click-dial tone*

 "OHH WHY, does everyone hate meeeeee?!?" *Starts throwing things- chairs, phones, papers- needs to be hit soundly in the head with a stapler by Boss-Man Lance in order to be contained.

Yeah....

Plus it kindof helped that I got to spend all of last weekend with some of my best friends. It was a kind little reminder before hand, that there are a handful of people out there that care about me. (Even if their ways of showing it include attacking with Nerf guns, "accidentally" Shoving you towards the edge of a cliff, and kidnapping you to help pay ice cream...)

Plus, Heavenly Father must have known that last weekend would be enough to let me know that I had someone to go to, just in case something were to happen.

"Um, If I needed to have a good cry, would you be my friend?"

"Ummm I suppose..."

"Suppose", meaning that my best friend was over within five minutes -even though he finds crying to be incredibly awkward, and unsightly.

I didn't want to talk about it, So we just walked.

We walked Down the streets, past the stadium, through the cemetery...

It was about 1 in the morning by the time we got home-

but I felt better.

It's amazing how just being with someone can do that to you.

I got up early for Aerobics today- then spent an hour at the gym, sorting through my thoughts. 

I guess life does kindof make sense. It's funny how some things "not clicking" seem to "click". Even if I don't like it working that way at all whatsoever. 

I still feel a little out of it, a little raw, And I still stand by what I said in my last post- completely- But I've got a feeling that things will eventually be fine. It Just takes time.

Last night alone has shown me that I've been blessed to have two of the best friends a person could ask for. I'm thankful for honesty- It's sharp sometimes, but It's better than living through a lie. I'm thankful for patience, and unquestioning loyalty. (especially when it means loosing sleep to comfort an emotional friend.)
My Heavenly Father loves me.

Things will get better. maybe.

Walls

There are some moments- you can't go back on,
Most of them you shouldn't want to.

What happens, happens- and you're stuck with it. Permanent Sharpie Marker stuck.

Life isn't written in pencil- you can't take an eraser to the parts that are painful, or scarring, or ugly.
But maybe that's a good thing.
 I mean, If you could erase- In a whirling colorful moment of  frustration and confusion- and forget it all- You might accidentally loose the beautiful parts along with it.

I've learned the hard way in art classes and sketchbooks- that once you erase something, you never really get the full effect of it back. "Oh, maybe I actually did that part right- Maybe it was ok?" But by then it's to late to re-draw. As any artist knows- It's nearly impossible to get the same pencil stroke back once you've taken it away.

and yeah.. sometimes I wish I could just forget things. Forget those moments of utmost failure- those times of being so close, but barley too short to reach- those little glimmers of hope that only prove to be let downs.

Sometimes I wonder why Life can't be more like nature. When a Volcano erupts- It kills everything around it. Every animal, flower petal, blade of grass- Poof, gone, in a splash of fire and smoke. Yet, somehow it's the complete destruction of everything that makes the rebirth so beautiful. It forgets everything from before in order to start up new.

People aren't like that for some reason.

We hold onto things in little boxes- unpacking them from time to time, remembering the dull throbs hidden inside.

I'm like that.

I have realized a few things though:

Like there's always a little beauty hidden behind the hurt. These are the things you're supposed to remember.

  A smell like rain and oil paint,

Long chats in the driveway with my feet on the dashboard,

the knowledge that somebody loves your music,

and fireworks mixed with the excitement of knowing you'd saved that moment for the right person.

Even if they didn't end up being right.

Even if you're confused as to why your answer doesn't meet theirs, 

Even if you want to forget.

So no- I'm not planning on forgetting.

I'm using these moments to make bricks.

I've learned that it's no good to build a wall of people-

They aren't stable enough.

Repeated times I've seen it- Lived it. Even at the age of five- I knew that the only thing you could count on a person to do, was change their mind. Somehow I've always try to hide it, to look past it- but no matter how hard I try to drape the fact behind sheets and curtains- Its still there.

Its just how people are.

and I've always known it.

So I'm building walls. My memories are my bricks- my reminders, They'll keep me on track. The only people I can really trust are myself and my God. Maybe someday, something will work out. Maybe someday someone will prove me wrong.

But I doubt it. 

People have come close before, And I've let them. I've given them the chance, the benefit, of the doubt, 

the "Maybe".

But I'm done. People are too fragile to be dropped multiple times. I'm closing the door, and I'm locking it.

Now don't see this as a bad thing. The way I see it, there's just been a shift in responsibility- I'm counting 100% on myself now. 

One less thing for someone else to worry about, right?

 

Right.

So no worries.

*Bows, and Curtain Falls.*

Oh the woes of my Zeeke.

It seems that Zeeke has been having a rough time lately.

For those of you who don't know- Zeeke is my Bicycle. For the most part- he's quite lovely, bright blue, and not to mention, an excellent way to get places.

But he's getting a little worn out. We've been together a long time. 

Almost nine years to be exact.

gee.

I guess i shouldn't be surprised...

It wasn't until a few months ago that I realized Zeeke's age was beginning to show. See, you can only go so long before you notice your bike isn't quite like the fifty billion others wizzing around campus... Now don't get my wrong, a bike is a bike- and Zeeke looks just like any other bike. (ish)

But he doesn't sound like one.

Most bikes whir and click. Zeeke kindof....clanks?

He sounds like blender.

A blender grinding up rocks.

and at first I thought "Hey, It ads to his personality, right?" 

But yesterday I noticed this:

 Hmm.... 

It seemed that Zeeke Had some how managed to transform from an eight speed bicycle, to a one speed Bicycle.

All in the space of a few hours.


Impressive.

So see, now the Little Tuby thing connecting to the "Non-speed-changer" Dangles like this:

And whenever I go anywhere, it whacks against the wheel making an obnoxious "BANG" sound every time it hits.

Over all, the effect is very similar to what I imagine ignoring a persistent door-to-door salesman by drowning out his knocks with your blender would sound like....

Needless to say, I no longer have to worry about people not notice me coming up from behind.

But This also means I need to find a new hobby. Cutting between unsuspecting couples won't quite work any more...

My brain is leaking.

I swear, I'm broken!

or something??

Yes, I know I cry.

A lot.

(shameful.)

But I think I'm reaching that point of "Shawna! Get a flippin' hold of yourself!!!"

Now, don't worry they're not sad tears-

They're happy ones. 

But I personally think those are the weirdest kind.

Shelly and I were at Walmart- I'd Just gotten some pictures developed and was stopping by to pick them up.

"Can I watch Tangled?" Shelly asked.

We were walking past the home electronics section,This, (along with a Muppet cooking special) was playing on one of the many TV screens.

"Sure, But don't go anywhere!"

I got my pictures, and it proved to be a little more stressful then I'd intended. (Has anyone else noticed how ridiculously expensive pictures are?! Holy cow. I could have sold my soul for those..) And by the time I had reached Shelly, it was at "The Part."

If you have seen Tangled, I'm pretty sure you'll know when I say "The part" I'm meaning the whole

  He saves her life, Witchy Lady dies, "You were my new dream", OH NO! her Love is dead!, That's so terrible! But wait- no he's not! True Love! Happy endings! Magic! wonderful! AHHHH!

If not... I just ruined the whole ending for you.

sorry.

Anyway, there we were, standing in the middle of this Walmart isle, eyes glued to the screen. 

Flynn Looked up at Rapunzel, her eyes are shining with tears, and you could pretty much count every freckle on her nose. (at this point I was appreciating the amazing detail in the animation combined with Blue Ray.) But then he said it.

"You were my new dream."

That's when I got that feeling in my stomach, and my face grew hot, and I suddenly remembered I was at Walmart. Not hiding alone in my bedroom.

people could see me there....

"Shelly! we have to go!"

"No! it's not done yet!"

"No- I have to go!"

"But It's the best Part!!"

"I knowwww!!!" and I promptly burst into tears.

And then when Flynn came to Life again- I started crying harder. Because I was so Happy for them, and their true love, and their happily ever after and-

"Shawna? Are you serious?!" Shelly had finally noticed my sniffling and wet face.

"Um. yeah."

"You're so dumb."

"ok."

That was when we realized a lady had been trying to get her shopping cart and small son around us for the last five minutes- time to go.

Anywho.
What do I have to say for myself? Nothing... Nothing at all.

Home again with some "Springy" Thoughts

 I've kindof been going over the past few days in my head-

And while parts of them are a blur- (Lots of walking combined with very little sleep can do that to you!)  There are a few things that stick out.

Lessons learned, you could say:

•  sometimes choices don't involve choosing between good and evil. ("Join the Dark side.") Lots of the time, all of your options are equally good. which can make things a little tricky... on the bright side though, with that, how can you fail?
• Going along with choices and stuff- sometimes just because a choice is seeming to present itself right away- doesn't mean you need to decide right then! sometimes you can take years. (In my case, I will.)
• What's supposed to work out will work out. (hard to believe sometimes. I really struggle with this one, but deep down know its true...)
• Girls are prone to PMS. and unfortunately- the timing is always terrible. However- Taking a deep breath and realizing how absolutely happy you ought to be- is a good reminder that you really are that happy. yeah?
• The Temple with always make everything better. So do good Friends at the temple.
• Most of the time people won't outright say they care about you. (even if that would be nice.) More often they Show you. and in some ways, that means even more. 
•  Patience is probably the trickiest thing on the planet! But I've realized the things you have to be patient for are 100% worth the wait. 

Moving on then.

I'm currently sitting in my backyard, It's sunny with a slight breeze, and it's starting to smell like summer. Plus I've got the Beatles singing to me from my Ipod. Could I be any happier? Probably not. 

One thing I love about the Beatles, is that they have a song for pretty much every occasion. Today, This one stood out:

I'm Happy Just to Dance with you

by The Beatles

 

 Before this dance is through
I think I'll love you too
I'm so happy when you dance with me
I don't want to kiss or hold your hand
If its funny try and understand
There is really nothing else I'd rather do
'cause I'm happy just to dance with you

I don't need to hug or hold you tight
I just want to dance with you all night
In this world there's nothing I would rather do
'cause I'm happy just to dance with you

Just to dance with you
Is everything I need
Before this dance is through
I think I'll love you too
I'm so happy when you dance with me

If somebody tries to take my place
Let's pretend we just can't see his face
In this world there's nothing I would rather do
'cause I'm happy just to dance with you

Just to dance with you
Is everything I need
Before this dance is through
I think I'll love you too
I'm so happy when you dance with me

If somebody tries to take my place
Let's pretend we just can't see his face
In this world there's nothing I would rather do
I discovered I'm in love with you
'cause I'm happy just to dance with you.

 

Shoobie

Lachelle was born the day after my 3rd birthday. I was probably a little bummed out, seeing as all prospects of having a birthday party were canceled,

But Still- though sometimes I won't admit it- she was (and still is) my best birthday present.

1. Shelly, Shtella, Shell, Shell-Bell, Shelly-Belly, SmellyShelly (only on bad days), or Lachelly- This girl has more nicknames than anyone I know. However- to me, she is Shoobie-doobie-doo. (Shoobie for short) and forever will be.
2. Shelly is probably the most talented person I know- She's absolutely fantastic at everything I'm not (as well as everything I am..) She draws, she dances, she's great at sports, she's musical (even though she shakes her head whenever anyone tells her so), and that's only the beginning. I think it must be because she is so determined- if she doesn't get something right the first time, she will try and try again until it is perfect. I can't count the times I've seen her spend hours straight practicing her pitching for softball- only coming in after she knew she'd improved. (or until mom said it was time for bed.)
3. She is kind. When she was little- she would write "love notes". Long lists of everyone she loved- every member in the family, her friends, her teachers, even our parakeet, Errol. There was one time I remember being furious because she'd decided it would be a good a idea to write one of these notes on the side of our barbie house in purple marker. I'm pretty sure the remnants of "I love Mommy, I love Shawna, I love Cole.." and so on are still there.
4. She has a weird love of eating lunch meat. By itself. Loudly next to my ear. And I'd be lying if I said it doesn't drive me insane- but hey- to each his own.
5. Shelly is my best friend. When we were little she was always the first person I wanted to play with. Our most usual games involved dress-up, monsters, Barbies, or House. But sometimes we'd entertain ourselves with Disney action figures from McDonalds ("Polka" was her favorite. Try as I might she never really understood when I explained that his name was actually "John Smith") Even now, whenever I come home for a weekend, we'll spend hours talking in my room, and laughing until we cry. (and sometimes crying until we laugh.) She's the one I can always count on.

Oldest.

I am the oldest of  seven children.

And let me tell you- there is nothing else like it.

In most cases when people say such things, they then go on about how they had to share their room with four sisters, what it's like to have your own private bench in sacrament meeting, how the family had to buy a bus to travel places in one piece, and that they're lucky if they go through less than three gallons of milk a week.

False. Except for very possibly the milk part.

while I am lucky enough to have all of these little people in my life- Not Once, have we all lived in the same home. In fact, I'm pretty sure my two youngest sisters are completely unaware that the other one exists...

Now before you go on about "poor thing, broken family,what chaos, that's terrible" and so on- let me give a quick explanation:

My life is  how it is- yes, its a little crazy at times, and sometimes it is awfully hard- but I know things were supposed to play out this way. otherwise they wouldn't' have.

I know this, so, I wouldn't have it any other way.
ok? ok.

Anyway- Last week was my Baby Ashlee's birthday, and hearing her little voice on the phone was probably the best thing in the WHOLE world. Also kinda heartbreaking. Ever since school started I get a "Shawny? When are you coming home?" every time we talk on the phone. Not going to lie-  I pretty much tear up every time she asks me.

After our short but sweet birthday conversation, I got to thinking about how much I've lucked out. Yeah, sometimes younger siblings can be a little bit of a bite in the bum (Cough cough- In Shelly's case, I mean that literally...) But I just have to say that mine are the best there are.

100% worth it.

It's been one of those weeks. (The "Whoa! slow down for a second!" kind.)

For the record though, I've been totally cool with it.

Although- next time, I need to make sure it doesn't mean skipping class to catch up on sleep...

My bad.
On the brighter side though- there are definitely a few things I would gladly trade an hour in a stuffy classroom for:

Surprise blizzards lead to unexpected sleep overs. and thus zero sleep.However- I've decided that's ok- if the sleep is lost due to a conversation with a close friend.

There will always be that friend that eats all of your popcorn. But you'll still love them dearly.

Missing people is hard. But it makes those moments you can be with them even more fantastic. Even if they're moments spent talking gibberish at 4:30 in the morning. (maybe especially then...)

Standing up in front of people is terrifying. Even if  it's just to be introduced to the institute choir you're visiting. However- it helps a lot if you have a best buddy there to say "This is Shawna. We've been friends since 5th grade." ("hello shawna.")


It's always lovely when you to have to explain that you are not, in fact, doing your English project on Montreal, Canada. you were just spending precious in-class research time getting super excited for your pal's future. this ought to be perfectly understandable.

BLT's go perfectly with people-watching in cafes. Especially with someone who thinks you're crazy. (Um, last time I checked, it wasn't my fault you had to be the "logical, engineering" type, friend. But, that's ok, I've missed you anyway.)

Sometimes it's kind of nice to have short conversations with people you hadn't intended on chilling with. Especially if they're talented at drawing mustaches.

You don't have to be going through a hard time to lean on someone. Friends are there to share happiness and excitement too- correct? of course! There doesn't have to be a reason for a phone call.

While hunting for apartments in the snow and cold can be difficult- getting help from strangers off the street for some reason, is not... One step closer to a future home! 

Anyway. It's been good. 

Mostly. It does seem that with every up there needs to be a down. (to balance things out, right? ... cool. I guess.)

Making choices is still hard- especially if you get a sudden reality punch in the stomach of "Ha! Stinks for you and your dreams!"  (But I'm hoping this is one of those "make you stronger" set backs...)

Over all though, I've totally realized that one of the best ways to forget that you're going through a rough time is to feel genuinely happy for someone else. It's amazing how it works. 

Happiness is catchy.

It radiates from over long distances, and over little speakers in your cellphone. Suddenly all of those thoughts of worry and panic twist, and turn, and *POOF*

Hearing someone else's  excitement, and knowing that they're headed in the right direction, that they're going to become even more amazing then they already are, and seeing a glimpse of the happiness they're about to find for the rest of their life- its perfect. 

I wouldn't trade these moments for anything.

I've been so blessed to know people that constantly create these moments. A friend of mine recently made a complete turn in her life- I know she's scared and that she has a lot of questions, but it amazes me to see the bravery and determination as she works for her new goal. I've also been blessed to witness the strength and steadfastness of a friend who's getting ready to leave everything behind, because it's the right thing. He's always been an incredible example to me- and even though I know I'll miss him with my whole self- I can't wait to see him touch other peoples lives, and bring them to a happiness they wouldn't be able to find without him.

I am truly lucky.